~everlasting reverie~

~inside out~

2009-04-28T11:44:00.005+08:00

hahaix. its funny when you go visit your old blog that you ditched aside for like, 4mths? and you read the stuff you posted before just to laugh to yourself at how far you came from that time. like the last post i had before, that girl that i found cute and so unreachable, somehow fate intertwined our lives together.

i still somehow cant believe it. how things worked out. though things are still alittle uncertain, unpredictable and i have to take such small tentative steps into her heart. as somehow, i dont want to hurt her, or my feelings. this is just the second time i felt so strongly of a person. with all my heart out there i feel all the more vulnerable because this seems new to me more delicate and fragile. like our relationship is spun on silken threads of a silk worm or the delicately mouth-blown handicraft of a well-seasoned glass craftsman.

somehow i dont want this dream to end, as if in ending, my life too will cease to exist. im still doubtful of how much she actually likes me and i stupidly admitted that i loved her. those words like petals blowing in the wind, never to return. maybe i should have saved some of my intergrity instead of letting all my petals fall to expose all the feelings of my heart.

i dont know how to feel. emotions wise is like that of a rollercoaster. somehow i cant read her as easily as i would like, and that makes me all the more uneasy and confused. her expression, her gestures, her posture, her words and those expressive eyes. they all speak as if in different foreign tongues all at once, swelling into one beautiful and enchanting unspoken language that i yearn to comprehend. sometimes i think i catch a whisper of something that i might understand, but somehow im too afraid to believe in my empathy now for fear that i might have brashly believe in something i thought that was, but was not. and in turn, thread too hard on the first fallen leaves in the authmn of her heart.

somehow i feel that i do not really know her for her. like a sheet of ice inbetween us, she is still there, yet distant. so near yet so far. how i wish you would understand how much i want to get to know the real you. yet, i sense, that you are somehow afraid to let me see the true beauty of your naked truth. tainted as i was before, having been trampled, you feel twice as shy to blossom in that innocence of complete loving trust as you might had once before.

would you gently wash away the mud, unfold those creased petals and plant back that rose bud to watch it unfurl as it tried to once long ago? to give that rose a chance to blossom radiantly as it should have once upon a time............................

i've given up being sad to start my life on a sweeter note ^~^

2009-01-16T22:36:00.004+08:00

omg... ive been so busy these past few days i didnt post for so long. *guilty*
school's been very hectic(plus boring) and work has just been so stressful and demoralising. T.T plus my first practicum is starting soon too. oh my.... i can hardly find time for myself much less sleep. =.=
i haz become a pandaaa! O-O

btw... i found out a new cafe called jackie chan cafe at international plaza where the second branch of my sch is when i went there for class. omg! their sandwiches are good can! and also cheap too! lol.^^ and... and.... there is an awefully cute girl working there. *blushes*
i went there to buy a chicken sandwich today. first time buying something actually. was abit paiseh cos i was alone and guess what?!!! she actually talked to me!
it went something like "its been awhile since you came here. =)" and i was like "!!! yea... cos my classes are usually at tt" she gave me a blank look so i said "the opposite building" and she still didnt understand i think. >.<
then i was flipping through my practicum booklet(i went to the sch's second branch to get it) she asked me "so what are you studying?" i forgot what stupid reply i mumbled back that she ask "oh so you're a teacher?" i 'intelligently' replied "sort of..." =A=... like wtf is wrong with me? i felt so lost for words and hot in the face. =.='''
then there was a pause... i tried to talk more before i had no excuse to stay and chat anymore(i saw my sandwich was almost done). asked her "so you work here everyday? cos i see you here everytime i come here." she was like "yea... but saturday and sunday we're closed." and i stupidly said something dumb again? like "oh... i dont know bout that cos i only come around here from monday to friday." like =A=....
then i had to go so i said thanks while collecting my sandwich. i forgot if she said thanks or no problem. lol!
this incident. i was just wondering... how she know that i never go there a long time? she must have like so many diff customers everyday. yet she remembers me when i never bought from her before only company my frens. liko O_O.....
but strangely, i wanna get to know her. ^~^ but ish too shy and i guess i just screw up any opportunity with my 'intelligent' choice of words.
sigh... i guess ill have to try harder not to look weird ba. heehee...^^
gambatte ne! XD

~lake abyss of shattered dreams~

2009-01-07T02:18:00.004+08:00

i can feel myself drifting back slowly,
into the world of depression and sorrow.
willow trees sprout out from the lake of tears.

im on a rowboat, adrift,
on the lake of sadness.
at the mercy of the water ripples,
gently rocking me further into the abyss of darkness.

what is this peacefully painful place?
phantoms of water so deep, my reflection does not show.
colbalt blue to black,
the taste of a million unfulfilled dreams.

the wind moanfully blows a sad melancholy tune.
as the willow leaves drifts across the lake like a thousand shed tears.
i slowly turn to the baleful moon,
and sing a tale of shattered dreams

lovera

fall into perspective

2009-01-05T02:46:00.005+08:00

my cute kaito kun doing the caramelldansen and making a heart with his fingers.^^ had fun visiting him that day. he was like "mom, a heart for you!(makes heart with fingers)" i was like: awwww....^^.

my darling... i cant wait to take you home. be paitient, mommy will get you real soon kay? T~T

kaito: "ok, i love you mommy.^^"

me: TTATT.....

yesterday... was great.^^ went out with wendy. lol. was supposed to meet her at 8.40 but ended up waking at like 9.40(sorry once more >.<). its all because i stayed up to MSC my girl and i fell asleep waiting for it to dry. lol. we ended up almost going out the entire day thou we just planned on meeting for breakfast. hahaix! was at parkway then moved on to suntec. talked alot on our lives, our loves and also emo-ed abit now and then. lol.^^ funny, i never thought we could have gone out so normal like before. always thought it was awkward. but somehow the quiet was strangely peaceful-like. that really lifted my spirits frm yesterday la(thanks so much dear friend^^). thou i havent finish my 1000word assignment, it was pushed far frm my mind.

the second half was like super great too. lol. i didnt know this day would turn out this awesome, but it did. XD finally talked to her on msn... dunno why seem so close again. but somehow i dont want to believe it for fear that if i dream, it will all come crashing down. she sorta asked me out... i guess. i dont want to believe this too. haiz... maybe what she ment by hanging out is like "meet you at the event!". nothing more than that T-T. maybe im the one dreaming. haiz...

whispers of unrequitted love

2009-01-04T02:50:00.003+08:00

I wish..
to fall asleep in your arms,
to have you around at the start of each day,

with the ceaseless ticking of the clock,
time seems to pass so slowly.
with every hour, with every day,
the yearning in my heart grows stronger
but you are never there.

I wait..
silently,
at the corner of your heart,
ready to catch your fall.

when your heart breaks,
so does mine.
as i watched a countless number of your rise and fall,
feels like centuries long.
the wait of time immemorable.
dont you hear my call?

So tell me,
when will this end?
This mysterious unrequitted love.

by lovera and tskie

Sacrament Of Wilderness

2009-01-02T01:50:00.000+08:00

Naked in midwinter magic
Lies an angel in the snow
The frozen figure crossed by tracks of wolves
An encounter symbolic yet truthful
With a hungry choir of wolves
An agreement immemorial to be born

Dulcet elvenharps from a dryad forest
Accompany all charming tunes
Of a sacrament by a campfire
A promise between the tameless
And the one with a tool
Tonight the journey from a cave begins

I want to hunt with the tameless heart
I want to learn the wisdom of mountains afar
We will honor the angel in the snow
We will make the streams for our children flow

Wrapped in furs beneath the northern lights
From my cave I watch the land untamed
And wonder if some becoming season
Will make the angel melt in shame

I want to hunt with the tameless heart...

HAPPIE NEW YEAR EVERYONEEEEE!!!!!!! ^~^

2009-01-01T04:48:00.002+08:00

me ish happie thanks to someone.^^ actually was pretty down even thou today was supposed to be a happy day for me. had planned to go for countdown with frens and all. told my BF earlier but when i was there le, he gave me crap asking me to go back clarke quay to meet him. hello?!, im like at freaking vivo! and its super crowded how to get out?! so freaking unreasonable can? T^T and i did try countless of times to call and msg you. my fucking phone really dont have a freaking connection, and i dont fucking know why ok?! god... you almost made my start of the new year miserable. sometimes i find it funny why we are even together. dont you think we're just too different? we might love each other but lawl.... we cant even communicate like normal frens let alot not quarrel or disagree at every convo we have. funneh rite? i think so too. XD went home alittle down..... but am better now thanks to someone who brighten me up. thank you! *hugs* i guess life wont start to sux so much anymore................. ^~^

~sacrament of wilderness~

2008-12-31T00:18:00.002+08:00

you ruined my life thus far. i hate you yet i love you. you're like an addiction. i cant get you outta my head. i miss you. i want to see you badly yet im sure you dont. you dont care. you dont give a damn if i lived or died. afterall, it doesnt hurt you at all. just me.... only me.................

emo... emo..... emoing.........................

2008-12-28T22:52:00.003+08:00

am supposed to be blogging bout TDA and my girl and (soon to be)new boy. but i just dont feel in the mood right now. =( someone else weighs heavily on my mind right now so yea. i posted a pic of my darlings first, ill blog more when i feel like it. going off to get more depressed now.........................

2 mins before xmas is over. O-O

2008-12-25T23:53:00.002+08:00

chrismas is almost over........ now on to TDA this saturday. omg really cant wait! XD
think imma head down to Atsuki tml after work to see whats for sale then(omg im a kiasu). hope uncle pang will be there. o-o

happy christmas eve everyone! XD

2008-12-24T23:12:00.005+08:00

happy christmas eve!!!!! ^~^ ahhhhh.... just had my grandma's christmas dinner and it was gooddddd................. ~me ish happy bunny~ sadly, i dont think i have anything to do tml on christmas itself. T_T does anyone wants to go out wif me? 0_0
ohoh!!!!!! i cant wait for TDA! ^^ reverie too. my poor dear needs some new clothes. hope i can get some proper punk apparels for her, somehow i dont think she likes wearing flowery flowy clothing thou she never told me so(hmmm, i better ask her XD). she's a tough one at heart that girl <3
think im gonna pei my darling gerger now. been sorta neglecting her cos of all the christmas preparations and dinner itself. nowonder she looked so sulky when i took her pictures just now. kk... im off now. bb!^^

PROJECT BREAKOUT Atsuki's lolita and bjd fashion show

2008-12-24T12:05:00.015+08:00

ok. this came a little late. but im bored now and have nothing better to do, so yea. Atsuki's lolita and bjd fashion show pics from project breakout. God i swear i look so horribly wrong in so many ways. the light was freaking blinding my eyes so i looked sleepy in almost every pic. and i just realized ive gotten fatter. damned my chubby face. =.='''

~the first set~

~second set~

~third set~

~group shot~
(i realized im the only one looking this way XD)

~the gerger i was carrying <3~

~more pictures! ~

mika's so pretty and sochii so shuai!!! XD sadly i didnt get the chance to take pics with the rest. =(

oh well, thats all of them. was an exciting experience all in all. two of my sets had to change as one was missing and the other spoilt, not eating much for fear of puking up everything on stage, getting an aging taitai hairstyle, clothes zip that refuses to open, lacklustre poses and noobish modelling skills and spectacular eye blinding lighting in your face. yep, i say thats all pretty fun. ^^

(credits go to all the photogs that took these pictures ^^)

i swear its my alarm clock not me! O-O

2008-12-24T09:34:00.003+08:00

omg... i cant believe i woke up late for work the second time this week! i swear my boss is so gonna fire me if this keeps up. T_T i woke up at like 7something yesterday, and after telling myself ill wake up on time for today, i woke at a freaking 840!!! =.=''' yet again..... its my alarm clock's fault. OwO had to pretend i was still sick from yesterday's sickness(its a lie! XD) thats why im writing this so early. the rain from the night before has not stopped. funny thing december here is always so rainy. i much prefer snow. >.<

~111036~

2008-12-23T02:02:00.004+08:00

you wished me when i thought you didnt care.
how i wish i really know if you can care deeper..........................

poem to my pretty stranger

2008-12-23T00:36:00.003+08:00

so near yet so far
a blood red rose in a bell jar
yearning to feel the soft tenderness of your silky eaves
and the taunting brush of your velvet petals
i am unworthy of thy stunning beauty
yet my heart shamefully longs for you
oh! my pinning soul yearns for the day you'll grace me with thy dewy droplets
and pray thy petals blossoms radiant upon mine
in my reverie of our vines intertwine and thy petals touching mine.

lovera

untold dreams~at the stroke of 12 she cried

2008-12-22T19:05:00.002+08:00

finally reviving my long dead thread. funny thing this is started today my b'day of all days. i guess its cos for the pass few weeks i had the urge to go back to keeping a journal but my life have been quite hectic so i postponed it for god knows how long.
i guess its only times like these when i feel especially low and depressed that having a place to pour out the feelings seem so much more tempting. yup, i dont know why im feeling like this but im guessing its pretty much to do with her. tell me, why do i always go courting trouble for myself? i guess it always hurts no one but me and me alone............